https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/06/christian-science-church-medicine-death-horror-of-my-fathers-last-days 

Unusual to read such an article in a mainstream newspaper. Takes courage to write such lines about loved relations.

Brings back memories of my own mother's excruciating death because of radical reliance on Christian Science.

January Reading...….   "The Chameleon Complex" by Timothy M. Tays. PhD

There are quite a few books written by former Christian Scientists - some of which are listed on this blog - and I think this is one of the later ones to arrive. It is definitely one to re-read as there is a lot to absorb!

The author is a clinical psychologist and approaches the subject of Christian Science and its impact on his life, with sensitivity. Being a child brought up in Christian Science inevitably makes that child live in conflict between what he or she sees around him and that which Christian Science teaches. The author delves into this with honesty and shows why the title is so apt.

If anyone has read it, please post your opinions. In the author's words, "I hope my journey will strike a chord in you, and you will find authenticity, connection, greater self actualization, and meaning in your life." I think the quest for connection, in particular, is a perpetual journey for former Christian Scientists and this book definitely helps the reader, by grasping the implications of the chameleon complex.

Christmas 2018...… I know that many former Christian Scientists still have relatives in Christian Science and if you are visiting and spending time with such family, it can sometimes become difficult. For example, I well remember the dismay caused (accidentally) to my CS mother, when our young daughter received a dressing-up nurse outfit and our young son received a doctor's kit! My mother's outrage at "condoning" medicine etc. caused a family rift all its own.

Feeling obliged to attend CS church services while staying under the roof of a Christian Scientist, or maybe staying with a CS relation who does not celebrate Christmas in perhaps a traditional way, if at all, can cause much stress and unhappiness.

We have been blessed to make new contacts with former Christian Scientists, this year, and we are always available to lend a listening ear at difficult times.

We trust you all enjoy a very happy and peaceful Christmas.

Contact

Helpful information:

Anyone looking for support or information, as a former Christian Scientist, do visit Ex-Christian Scientists on Facebook or The Ex-Christian Scientist www.exchristianscience.com

Ex CS UK is still in operation and we still meet up:  ex_cs2001@yahoo.com is the contact address.

A Childhood Memory of an Abstract Christmas

Growing up in Christian Science, with my mother as a radical believer in it, resulted in a major disagreement between us. It was to herald the first of many but it was early days for me, within Christian Science, and I was still sufficiently young enough to be attracted to the commercialisation of Christmas via the local shop window!

It all began in early December when I saw a box of coloured foil angels. All that was required was to assemble them by folding and sliding the tabs into pre-cut slots, inserting a coloured thread (all provided) and then hanging them on the Christmas tree. I can see them now -gold, silver, red, blue, green and purple. I was about six or seven and every time we walked past the shop, I would stand for ages, staring at them. I knew my mother did not approve of them. Maybe, I thought that the longer I stood looking at them, then that would convince her that I really wanted them! I could think and talk about nothing else that I wanted to decorate our tree.

And so it began. Every mention I made about angels was counter- philosophised with the words of Mary Baker Eddy. Her definition of angels was considered by my mother to be the one and only true doctrine! Mary Baker Eddy defines angels (in her book, Science and Health) as, "God's thoughts passing to man, spiritual intuitions...." This posed a dilemma for us. My mother was determined that I should be brought up as a Christian Scientist and therefore, there was no need for physical manifestations or human ideas of what angels might look like! That was all material and we were supposed to be concentrating on the spiritual meaning of Christmas!

I had the inevitable conflict of being a Christian Scientist but also being a young child at school where the Nativity play depicted young children dressed as angels! Didn't the angels appear to the shepherds and speak to them? Why did we sing carols at school? What did it mean if we could not hark the herald angels sing or if the angels could not wing their flight over all the earth? Was the Christmas story incorrect? How could the choirs of angels ever sing in exultation?! It was confusing! I knew the angels were pretty and colourful and merely a decoration but to deny the actual existence of them, within the Christmas story, was unthinkable!

As an adult, I appreciate and love singing Christmas carols. As a child, I had to pretend to sing carols while I was at school.  When I was a Christian Science child, my mother forbade me to sing many of them because of their perceived "false doctrine". I am struck by re-reading Mary Baker Eddy's book, "Christ and Christmas" that she wrote the following, in part, "Yet wherefore signalize the birth of him ne'er born?"

 If you enjoy singing carols, now you have left Christian Science, sing loudly! Do share if you have any memories of a childhood Christmas within Christian Science!
 Oh, a relative who was not a Christian Scientist bought the box of "angels" and helped me place them on the tree. Nobody in our home dared to argue further on the matter. I like to think, for once, I was allowed to enjoy some reality. Happy Christmas!

Ben's Story

In November 2002, my mother, who had been a Christian Scientist for over forty years, experienced severe chest pains. She visited a hospital, where a heart attack was diagnosed.

 

 

 

She made the decision not to accept medical treatment. Instead, she went to Whitehaven, Christian Science Home, near Bath, England, UK. My brother and I took her there. When we visited two days later, she was suffering a heart attack that was far more severe than the first. The home had not contacted us. She was alone in her room. It was winter, yet the window was open and the room was cold. We left the room for around ten minutes to discuss what should be done. When we returned, none of the staff was sitting with her, even though they knew we had left. When we told her we wanted her to go to hospital she immediately agreed.

 

   

 

In hospital, she died after ten days. Following her death I wrote to Whitehaven to inform them. Some weeks later we received a donation request from them. Having been brought up in Christian Science, I knew very well the level of denial of illness and death involved. Nevertheless, the lack of sensitivity towards our feelings came as a shock.

 

 

 

I also felt  that, although she had decided to go to the home, that someone should have stayed with her when she was ill, even to provide comfort. It was not acceptable to use the belief that illness is not real as a pretext to do nothing. The room temperature and her wellbeing should have been monitored to ensure that the window was not left open for too long, and was not excessively cold.

 

   

I complained to the regulating authority, which at first refused to investigate. Following my insistence that an investigation was their legal obligation, an enquiry began. The initial findings were not to my satisfaction. The investigating officer did not state that the home should have done more. It took more than two years and more than a hundred letters to achieve a satisfactory outcome. This was a statement that the home should have done more during the course of my mother's illness.

 

At the time, new laws were being introduced relating to the regulation and running of nursing homes. It had been proposed that Christian Science Homes would have a complete exemption, as they were non-medical homes. After pointing out that all other nursing and care homes were covered under the new act, whether or not they were providing medical care, Christian Science homes were included and a set of care standards developed.

 

A recurring theme of the official response was that I should show greater religious tolerance. This view was frustrating, as I did not think it was a reason to permit sub-standard care. Neither was this easy to accept when I had also experienced avoidable pain as a child due to medical neglect. This was not something I felt should be tolerated, whether an organisation was religious or secular. The homes were set up to look after vulnerable, mainly older people. They could not avoid their duty to provide consistent, properly managed and attentive care, whether or not medical treatment was a part of that care.

 

 

 

A few years later the home was closed down and the building was sold. There is now another Christian Science home in Chepstow, Wales, UK, some thirty miles from the former Whitehaven.

New Year 2016 Unwitting Secrecy?

Over the last few months, there have been a few cases in the press, of children dying from medical neglect and one case of an actor who appears to be trying to hide a possible medical problem from the world's view. Such distressing cases and the pain of those respective family members, may only be imagined.


This has reminded me of the secrecy which is created within a strict belief system, in the non-acceptance of medical aid. What do I mean when I use the phrase "medical aid"? I sometimes wonder if the general public ever realises or understands that there are belief systems which literally mean it when, as in Christian Science, medicine is not an option? People sometimes say to me, "Yes, but surely a serious condition would mean the seeking of pain relief or anti-depressants etc. etc.".  Not always so! (Science and Health p167 is one reference)


I know that some Christian Scientists, possibly in an effort to shake off criticism and become more plausible, suggest that visiting a doctor and using medicine is acceptable. But I know from former Christian Scientists and from my personal experience that this attempt to be sensible with one's health care is often resultant in judgmentalism from other church members, Christian Science practitioners declining to "treat" (by CS means) patients and an over-riding feeling of guilt by the patient.


I was shocked when a Christian Scientist, whom my late mother held in high regard within the Christian Science world, told me he had resorted to pain relief for a troublesome tooth. My mother took the study of Christian Science extremely seriously and endured untreated breast cancer!
Putting aside the issue of radical reliance within belief systems, I am left wondering to what extent secrecy plays its part in the lives of  the wider families affected, in this case by Christian Science.


The hiding of ill health, hiding the symptoms - either by staying at home, increased resting or wearing looser clothing etc. more and more in-depth study of Christian Science, no discussion of what the "condition" might be! I'm quite sure some relatives of Christian Scientists will recognise the foregoing!


Does Christian Science have the effect of making its former members continue a pattern of secrecy within their daily lives? Is that a result of strict belief systems, in general? Are we embarrassed to mention Christian Science - either that we were in it or that we wonder whatever people would think of us? Having left Christian Science, do we remain as very private and secretive people? Thoughts?

Not alone!

A new resource began from today - www.exchristianscience.com   includes personal stories and interesting book reviews. A valuable resource for anyone trying to leave Christian Science and its mind-set.

Keep watching, as more content will be added. Wish I had had such a resource when I left Christian Science - just knowing others were out there, would have been great! 

Congratulations to all those who have worked so hard on this new website!

Consequences of Neglect

http://kindism.org/2015/02/01/1989-measles-at-principia-upper-school-a-first-hand-account/

I can't think of anything to add to this. Powerful writing, for sure.

Umbrellas in the Rain

I like umbrellas. They are just what you need when you need shelter. ExCS UK is just such an umbrella, if you like! It exists for all genuine former Christian Scientists and for those who may still have relations in it. There was no shelter for me in UK nearly forty years ago and I would hate to feel anyone would have to endure the isolation of leaving Christian Science, as I did.

ExCS UK seeks to shelter those mentioned above - regardless of religious beliefs, location in the world etc. We do not proselytise but we gather strength and encouragement from others who can understand the unique situations which a history of Christian Science may pose. Believe you me, some of the situations we have heard over the years, could not be made up! The distress of some contacts is also so saddening.  This is why we opened an umbrella. No doubt, it has its failings. It has also witnessed Christian Scientists trying to score points but during the years, we have joined together and are the better for taking shelter!

Why UK in the title? Because it was founded here and we wanted to make any European contacts feel less far away from USA and to make it easier for them to join us in our meetings. We also have American friends - some of whom supported me when I most needed it - and others, worldwide.

 Also, at the time of beginning this journey out of CS there did not seem to be too much shelter for those who were not of Christian persuasion. I believe people need support, primarily, not the promotion of different faiths.

We are a strictly non religious group and we enjoy our diversity! Please feel free to join us and to share with us!

Identity

These days, we hear much about radicalism. Within the world of Christian Science, I was radical in my reliance on it. I continued the parental example of radical reliance, to which I was exposed. My mother was radical in that she lived and breathed Christian Science - no room for flexibility in her world! No doctors, pain relief, talk of health issues nor exposure to anything "worldly". Total reliance on Christian Science! In years gone by, to be radical was not much spoken about.

To my mind,  a question is posed - did my mother have that kind of personality which was attracted to strong-mindedness, no compromise and literal interpretation of Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy? Or, was it solely Christian Science which encouraged her radicalism to develop? Does radicalism of belief foster a false sense of security in day to day life? And is that what she was searching for - some kind of security? That, in a topsy-turvey world all around her, there was something on which to depend?

Within that framework, did I have the potential within my personality to become radical, within a belief system, or did my radical stance on Christian Science develop the longer I was exposed to its doctrines?

Page 167 of the above-named book reads, "Only through radical reliance on Truth can scientific healing power be realised." Radical reliance was our benchmark in the search for healing. The longer my mother was exposed to radical reliance, the more her eyes became lifeless. She marched to the beat of a different drum and gradually became lifeless before our eyes.

Does it matter? Apart from her immediate family, who cares? Why am I writing this, today? Well, something happened recently to cause me to think carefully. As a second generation Christian Scientist and never having owned my own personality, to what extent has my brain been affected by radical belief? Having left Christian Science, have the seeds of radical reliance remained in my brain? Has my radical reliance polarised into a radical stance against it? Is being radical, whatever the cause, sown within my personality? And, inadvertently, have I become radical, again, in my opposition to Christian Science?

My strong-mindedness over leaving Christian Science has been brought into question and it really poses a deeper question. Who am I? I am an ex Christian Scientist. To deny being "ex" or "former" or "previously" is to deny who I am and what I stand for. It does not prevent me from moving forward and being thankful to be alive but it identifies me.

Mere musings. Is there anyone out there who was radical in their Christian Science belief? How does your exit from it affect your opinions and life, now?

Winter Reading?

There are quite a few books written by former Christian Scientists which must help and validate a reader who may be in the process of extricating himself from Christian Science. "The 'Crime' of Dorothy Sheridan" by Leo Damore approaches the dilemma of medicine v faith healing, parental rights etc from a different angle.
It is a true story, features the Christian Science church and describes the courtroom drama as the facts unfold, concerning the death of Dorothy Sheridan's young daughter.

As I look back on my childhood life in Christian Science I know that I am indeed fortunate to be sitting here, on a sunny morning, enjoying my life. Being a member of the Christian Science church and having a mother who radically relied on CS meant that, as my childhood years developed, my mother had absolutely no idea of when sickness became an emergency and requiring action. We had no doctor, nobody to advise us and were surrounded by Christian Scientists from whom permission had to be extracted, to even visit a dentist when in pain!!! 

A Christian Scientist may suggest that it proves Christian Science "works" because I never became life-threateningly ill. Cold comfort for all former members who watched suffering and deaths of relations and endured needless pain of their own! Shocking, that the law (UK) did not and does not protect children because of the beliefs of their parents. When does a health crisis become same? Or, is CS radical reliance - Mrs Eddy's requisite for healing -  swept under the radar as being a thing of the past?? Is Christian Science wearing new clothes in the twenty-first century?

So many questions!  Serious reading.

Bargain books!

We have several copies of "The Religion that Kills - Christian Science: Abuse, Neglect and Mind Control" by Dr Linda S Kramer  Sale price £4.75 (includes postage within UK) Please e-mail me at ex_cs2001@yahoo.com   if you are interested!

This is written by a former Christian Scientist who introduces the reader to the world of Christian Science thinking and also discusses "mind control".

A Christian Science childhood

I also recall breaking my arm when I was very young. I regained consciousness after my fall to see my parents' heads leaning over me and to hear them both bitterly arguing as to whether I should be taken to the hospital (my father's wish) or whether to call a Christian Science practitioner (my mother's wish). I was in a lot of pain and couldn't stop crying. Overnight, the pain was unbearable and I was still crying the next morning....  I shall post more on this saga, later.

 I can commiserate with Ben's memories over his brother's broken arm.

As a young child, we studied Christian Science for at least an hour, sometimes two hours, every morning. It was miserable for me, as I could hear all my friends playing outside. They had given up knocking on the door and asking me to join them! It all served to effect an isolationism from people around us.

Does anyone else recall a childhood in Christian Science?

Ben's Story

The main belief of the group I grew up in (Christian Science) was that we should not use doctors or medicine in order to maintain our health. As a child, this became a frightening situation to be in, as I gradually realised the danger this presented to my health.

My father left the group when I was six. Shortly afterwards, when my brother broke his arm, my mother initially refused to take him to a doctor. My brother cried while my parents argued over the action to take. My brother was treated the following day, when his tears did not stop. My parents' difference of opinion was a continuing source of conflict for many years, that almost led to divorce.

Apart from a very painful and persistent bout of earache that went untreated, I was fortunate enough not to suffer any major illnesses that might have put my life at risk. Our family was, however, isolated by the extreme nature of our beliefs, and by the absolute denial of illness which the group expected from us.

Membership involved Bible study and the study of the group's own texts (Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy). We were expected to study for more than an hour each day. Occasionally, I heard conversations that alluded to the deaths of people in the group who were sometimes younger people or children.There was a constant feeling that I was not properly protected.

As a teenager, I refused to attend the group, which led to enormous conflict with my mother, for many years. My mother eventually died in hospital, after initially refusing medical treatment for a heart condition. It has been very disturbing to realise, as an adult, that my childhood medical neglect was an abuse of parental power.

Interesting Reading

Some more titles for your library:


Christian Science        Women, Healing, and the Church   by Deidre Michell

A Collision of Truths  A Life in Conflict with a Cherished Faith   by Robert Y. Ellis

Fathermothergod   My Journey out of Christian Science    by Lucia Greenhouse

For the Love of God      Lawrence w Gold, M.D.

Breaking Their Will    Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment     by Janet Heimlich

When Prayer Fails    Faith Healing, Children, and the Law


We will try to write some book reviews soon!  Check out the books already listed on this blog!

At Last!

There is some help, based in London, for people who are or were in cults or high demand groups. Free Minds UK is concerned with cult recovery and awareness and is an education/support group.
Please email me for more details, if you are interested.

Winter Questions

Cold winds outside, so it is time to pose some long overdue thoughts and questions, while sitting indoors, hopefully for some kind of debate.
Firstly, how do former Christian Scientists cope with sudden admission to hospital? Fortunately, I have only twice experienced hospital. But it's all that comes with it. It's the after-care of self injecting against clotting, for example. Am I the only one to still be plagued with that deeply ingrained thought that "it must be my fault" as I cannot have done enough "mental work". Why do I still deny myself any kind of pain relief and reduce the nurses to having to beg me to "just accept a little, to help"? How do I amaze the nurses at my ability to inject myself? I know it's because I somehow "switch" into a trance-like mental state - for want of a better description. Other doctors have noticed it in me and commented. How may hospital be survived? So much observation made on me as a real, material person!

Secondly, is it vital to be a "whistle-blower" in society? Is it a "legal duty" much like CHILD and children's health care in USA? Is it curiously "British" to avoid whistle-blowing?!

And thirdly, should religious groups be allowed charitable staus? How may one define a religious group's benefit to society?

These last two questions were posed on "The Big Questions" on BBC1 this morning. Maybe you can watch a replay.
Some questions, when considered within the context of former Christian Scientists and their stance on the Christian Science issue, are vital if one is to understand the effects its teaching may have - especially on those who are second or third generation CS.

Does anyone have similar experience or thoughts?

Landmark

ExCS UK - ten years since its beginning - talked to and met some wonderful people through the years. Thanks to all!

Individual Paths?

A comment was recently posted but was rather lost in time, as it was in response to a previous message I thought it should be brought forward. It reads, "One cannot judge Christian Science by the way someone else is trying to demonstrate it. God's way is a very individual path. It is always between you and God and God and you."  So there we have it. It feels like the chilly winds of coldness and lack of compassion are still blowing. It's so detached - abdicating all responsibility and love and hiding under the umbrella of individuality!
I speak as I find. And, ten years since my mother's agonising death, I still remember that she was not alone. Many people believed CS to be the only way to achieve healing...many adults died prematurely because of their belief in it. As for the babies and children who have suffered and died....never forget them. If that's God's way....