ExCS UK: The website for former Christian Scientists

Re:World View, Self View

2012-01-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Ian for contributing such an interesting article and we are looking forward to feed-back!

Worldview, self view and automatic thoughts

2011-12-22T02:14:00.000-08:00

One model of therapy I found helpful vis CS conditioning describes three areas of thinking. One’s worldview’ which informs our basic underlying assumptions about what our environment is like, how it operates, how safe or dangerous; just or unjust is it. This worldview is predominantly unconscious, it’s not something we think about much, it just is, and it evolves and changes on its own unless we make a conscious effort to reshape it.

In my experience, Christian Science has left me with a fundamentally toxic worldview. Nothing is safe, fair or predictable. There are no meaningful value judgements in Christian Science or any anchor point of self; nothing tangible, in the end, actually exists for Mary Baker Eddy. Tumours can appear and vanish again in ourselves and our loved ones, depending on the clear-sightedness or corruption of our divine understanding.

Social systems and relationships are rendered meaningless and unfulfilling as there are no individuals to enact them. The quintessence of this philosophy is a nihilistic solipsism. What is the point of struggling to see God when the only person that will benefit is me?

Our self view is more tangible and immediate and shapes how we operate in our environment and what our reactions are to a stimulus, “I can’t do that… I don’t deserve the other” kinds of thinking.

My CS selfview is enduringly negative. Funded by a series of failed healings of myself and others, failure to “see abundance, joy, and health” in a family that was enduringly poor, miserable, and ailing”.

In the end I think this led to a perpetual feeling of helpless doom laden anxiety. Told time and time again that the solution to all these problems lay in my own thinking; all I eventually heard was that the cause of all these problems lay in my own thinking; thinking that I was obviously powerless to correct.

Of course the summation of all this is the big God carrot; the problem for me is that largely thanks to Christian Science I could barely even say the word ‘God’ without feeling angry, mutinous and resentful, which in hindsight is how I felt as a CSist, but felt too guilty to every acknowledge.

Our automatic thoughts are involuntary thoughts that pop into our heads and are primarily conscious manifestations of world and self views. As the saying goes, garbage in and garbage out. If you have a poor self view and a poor worldview, your mind probably isn’t going to produce a lot of pleasant automatic thoughts.

The interesting thing to me is that they all condition one another. For example someone slights you in some way that is unfair, and your self view of inadequacy and poor self worth confirms an interpretation of that situation.

Your mind needs to make an assessment of the overall situation, looks at your disastarous worldview, correlates that with your horrendous self-view, and quite properly hits the panic button. You are an incapable, probably unlikeable individual, trapped in an undefeatably hostile and unpredictable environment. Run away!

Automatic thoughts (negative ones) flood into your head about how bad and threatening it all is, which is all confirmed by your worldview, which in turn gets bleaker and darker and more entrenched.

You simply cant just turn your back on Christian Science when all the mental machinery that you have is geared up to thinking CS. Its like saying you aren’t going to use Windows Millennium Edition anymore, then buying a brand new PC and installing Windows Millennium Edition onto it again. Sooner or later you are going to run into the same problems you had before, then you start to assume that no computers work, or you cant work them.

The good news is that intervening in any one of these areas should help all of them.

The easiest to start with are negative automatic thoughts; I found it helpful identifying these as they arose and allowing them to pass away without following my usual habit of them setting off a chain of value judgements.

Having negative thoughts is normal, but a “normal” person will largely ignore them as they don’t fit with their deeper assumptions about life. In turn the thoughts become less, which confirms their positive assumptions and so on.

I think as Ex Christian Scientists that we need to do a lot of active work on world and selfviews. CS thinking is very resistant towards resetting judgments about the world and self esteem, because our default view under Christian Science is that none of it is relevant or understandable. In fact the less we understand or know about the material world the better in CS as all this false knowledge is only going to lead to compound our problems.

For example, I think there is an element of curiosity about the world and how I fit into it that I missed out on as a kid, that I need to rediscover as an adult. This is because I always thought that I knew everything I needed to know about everything from Mrs Eddy’s book.

Unfortunately unlike some belief systems there is no possible way to sanely convince yourself that Christian Science works in the face of any serious controversy, which brings about a lot of neurotic and negative thinking as what your rational senses tell you, and what your core beliefs know, gradually peel apart and begin existing in separate and mutually exclusive worlds.

The road out of Christian Science is a hard and long road with many dead ends and false starts; but I am confident like all roads, it has an end.

2011-11-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Leaving Christian Science may result in various difficulties but one difficulty may be to think logically, compassionately and to show resultant initiative in decision making. You may think, "Who cares?" but re-entering the world of reality is not easy for the former Christian Scientist. The mind is complex.

What is one supposed to be thinking? What should I think if someone is unwell or dying? What should I think when the ambulance races by? What should I think when someone is very late in arrival, needing a prescription, or when I'm feeling sad or bereaved? How do I control my emotions and my fears, when in Christian Science I learned that "in reality" I had none of these and should correct my thinking to thinking spiritually?!

Any thoughts?! Former Christian Scientists - over to you!

New Book

2011-06-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Just like to say that there is a new book due out very soon www.luciagreenhouse.org refers.

Thought I would post it here as it may not be easily viewed elsewhere on the blog. It may be ordered from Amazon books. The author may like to join us on Facebook (ExCS UK) and I look forward to hearing from her.
How many times do I recall saying in my mind, "Father, Mother God...."

For interest, please post a message as to which books by former Christian Scientists have been of most impact for you! Mine would have to be "Blue Windows" by Barbara Wilson and "The Crime of Dorothy Sheridan" by Leo Damore.

Does the Law Protect Us?

2010-12-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

I believe the answer has to be "no" within the context of Christian Science. As a child, within CS, I used to hear comments to the effect that, of course, medical aid would be sought, if we were under the age of 16 and the healing was not "apparent". So that was all right then! Every child was and is protected within the law!

But, ask yourself....What about the child of a CS parent with no sense of emergency or medical knowledge, the child who is never registered with a doctor and who may also be home-schooled or the child who is denied immunisation?

The law offered me no protection. By-standers (family who visited) did nothing. School teachers did nothing when I was really ill. They told me to stay at home. "Home" sent me to school because, in reality, there was nothing wrong with me and so I should prove CS works. They all knew the law! Even years ago, people were too scared to speak up for fear of offending someone. A child's needs should never be abandoned.

Your experience? (USA and UK input would be good!)

Winter thoughts

2010-12-03T05:44:00.000-08:00

I believe the thought "world" of Christian Science remains in our minds to some extent, despite leaving it...especially if one was brought up from early years in CS.... Christian Scientists may rejoice at this but to those of us who would like to be free of that way of thinking, it may be troubling, alienating and depressing.
I wonder if anyone would like to share how CS ways of thinking have remained with them, despite their having physically "left" it. For example, does listening to the news (especially about accidents and distress in the ice and snow) automatically remind you of the days of "correcting your thinking" when an ambulance could be heard or when feeling/having a cold?!

Could the uncontrollable desires from the past, of being alone and silent to do your "mental work," be something which is preventing you from looking outwards and joining others in a similar situation?

Despite having left Christian Science, it is not incorrect to debate it, criticise it or explore its effects! Any thoughts? Expressing them is good; making them known will not harm you but strengthen you!

2010-09-12T06:34:00.001-07:00

Well, thanks for some response! I found the replies to be very interesting and could empathise with them! Connecting socially is always difficult and I am also known for leaving medical issues for too long and seeing the docotor's look of disbelief!! I'm not sure if recognition of the problems bring freedom (maybe eventually) but it is good to look at the world with new eyes. The trouble is, that makes me realise how much I missed in learning and studying academic subjects.

My biggest issue, I think, is - having had a childhood totally immersed in Christian Science - should I develop Alzheimer's, then will I regress to my Christian Science childhood way of thinking? Will the world to which I might regress be doubly confusing for my carers, who will most likely have no knowledge of how I used to think? Maybe I'm just being pessimistic!
Any ideas?

2010-04-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I know you're out there somewhere! And I know a year has disappeared but we are still around, still active and still waiting to hear from any former Christian Scientist!

I have often heard former Christian Scientists say that they are grateful for what Christian Science has given them....If you are a former Christian Scientist, what would you be grateful for?? I think (and I hardly dare write, "on reflection") that it has given me nothing for which I could possibly be grateful...still thinking...!!??

Welcome - 2009

2009-02-25T04:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to ExCS UK!
We want you to feel able to contact us about any issue appertaining to Christian Science and its effects. Perhaps you need encouragement to visit a doctor or dentist or you have a query concerning relations who may still be in Christian Science? You may have painful memories of loved ones suffering or even dying without medical help because of their radical reliance on Christian Science.

Please note that you do not have to be a Christian to contact us. We are a strictly non-religious, internet and social group which exists to encourage and support.

We also hope to hear from former Christian Scientists internationally and look forward to the day when we may be able to establish an international internet group - again, with no religious bias whatsoever.

We look forward to hearing from you if you have, or are, experiencing the effects of Christian Science.

All the Rugged Way

2008-04-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

All the Rugged Way

A frail, elderly lady, pale and birdlike, walked somewhat laboriously down the busy street, quietly singing a hymn to herself, “Shepherd, show me how to go, O’er the hillside steep. How to gather, how to sow, How to feed Thy sheep”. She wore an old-fashioned two-piece costume of purple crushed velvet and a hat of the same material, impaled with a vicious looking cross-and-crown hat pin. Though it was autumn and a sunless day, she carried her customary furled parasol, which she surreptitiously used from time to time as a walking stick.

As she hobbled along she looked full into the faces of all she saw and smiled sweetly. Even the most hard-boiled businessman, intent on making money, and interested in nothing else, was somehow – through a power not of his own – compelled to return that smile.

Miss Brewster knew – after years of beaming at total strangers – that as Love is reflected in Love, so Smile is reflected in Smile. Newcomers turned to look at her and exclaim her quaintness and old-world charm to one another. Habitual frequenters of the street were well aware of her eccentric appearance and mannerisms and were inclined to avert their gaze. Miss Brewster was a Christian Scientist. She knew, as did every faithful adherent of the sect, that the “Science” her beloved Leader, Mrs Eddy, had discovered in 1866 was the one true interpretation of God’s word. Mrs Eddy had prophesied that “science” was destined to dominate the thinking of philosophers and theologians by the end of the twentieth century.

But the twentieth century had been and gone. And, far from dominating anything, Christian Science was in its death-throes and dwindling away. The magnificent churches built in Miss Brewster’s city in the twenties, thirties and forties of the last century, had been taken over by other creeds. Or demolished and their sites occupied by office blocks. Or – irony of ironies – a clinic of venereal medicine. The very thought of this made Miss Brewster shudder, and she immediately mentally denied that anything of the sort had happened to her beloved “Twentieth”, whenever she had to pass that church in its new incarnation.

There was just one functioning Church of Christ, Scientist in the city now. It was to the reading room of that church, Thirteenth, that Miss Brewster was making her dolorous way. She was the librarian there, and spent eight hours a day, six days a week at her post. For she was the most agile and the sprightliest of the five members of the church, and the only one who could manage to climb the steep stairs in the elevator-less, fire-trap building where the reading room was housed in a small, dim office on the fourth floor.

The other tenants were private detectives, clairvoyants, seedy marriage bureaux and introduction agencies.

With some effort and considerable pain – which was denied with every step, Miss Brewster reached the fourth-floor landing. One of the other tenants had arrived sometime before her, but was still standing outside her own door, breathing with difficulty, worn out by the stairs. She was Madam Petrula, the seventy-eight year old “clairvoyante to the star of stage, screen and radio” – or so her consulting-room window announced to an uninterested world. “Good morning, dearie,” ventured Madam Petrula. “My, we are both out of breath! And you’re looking very pale today, too, dearie.” She knew Miss Brewster always studiously ignored any remarks of a personal nature, so she continued with her pleasantries. “I have a client booked in for this afternoon. A bereaved son, in a terrible state. He could hardly speak for weeping on the phone. His mother passed over just a year ago. I got through to her last night. She’s told me to tell him she’s happy, she’s watching over him and he shouldn’t worry because everything’s going to be alright. So business is looking up. I hope you’ll be doing a bit more trade y’self today, dearie”. “Good morning to you, too, Miss Petrula,” said Miss Brewster, in her clipped, almost English accent – smiling but still rather breathless and in discomfort. She always called the clairvoyante “Miss” for she disliked the “Madam”, which she felt had undertones of something not quite respectable. She also kept her distance from the kindly medium – on the firm instructions of her beloved Leader, who had vehemently disapproved of spiritualism. “Such a lovely morning, isn’t it. Oh yes, I’m sure the reading room will be busy, busy, busy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go. There’s a lot of work to be done. Good-bye”

Miss Brewster mentally denied the existence of any power in spiritualism and tried for the thousandth time to see Madam Petrula as God’s perfect child, who would one day realize the error of her ways and come over whole-heartedly to Science.

She turned the key in the lock and entered the shabby little office. The room smelled musty. The heating had not worked for years and the landlords were reluctant to fix anything, for it was their aim to get all the tenants out as soon as their leases expired, and to sell the building for redevelopment. There were four, small, inlaid-mahogany tables in the crowded room, each with a Georgian chair of exquisite quality in front of it – relics from the time when the showpiece reading room of Thirteenth Church had been furnished like the library of an English country house and had occupied a magnificent site on the smartest street downtown.

On each of the tables lay a Bible, and the denomination’s textbook, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures. The title of this revered tome was hardly ever spoken by the Scientists without the addition of the name of its authoress, Mary Baker Eddy. The hushed awe in which this sacred name was enunciated probably rivalled that afforded to the Tetragrammaton, the most holy, most secret name of God, when it was uttered in solemn assembly by the High Priest in the Temple.

It was Monday morning, and Miss Brewster set about the task, that, were she to admit it, most bothered her. Each copy of the Bible and Science and Health was to be provided with dozens of unpleasant little wire markers. These fiddly contraptions indicated the verses and lines which had been selected to be read from the two holy books for the current week. This totally unnecessary operation, made a hundredfold more difficult by the arthritic condition of Miss Brewster’s hands, would take up most of her Mondays. The only people to have visited the reading room during the last eight years had been lost searchers wanting a tarot reading, a private detective, a new spouse or a sexual encounter with someone of the opposite or same sex. They had come to the wrong office. But Miss Brewster “knew” each morning that the public would be arriving in droves to imbibe at the fount of Truth that Mrs. Eddy had provided for a thirsty, benighted world living in sin, sickness and error. And she always embarked on this fruitless chore with a cheerful countenance, though unhappy fingers.

Because of the concentration required to place the markers correctly, Miss Brewster found it difficult to do her “metaphysical work” at the same time. She allowed herself a ten minute break between each completed book, when she would sip a glass of warm water. Mrs. Eddy had disapproved of coffee or tea as drug-like substances. Metaphysical work is the name given to spiritual exercises done by Scientists to ensure the realisation in human thought of the Truth behind every seemingly real, but in the Absolute- false, picture that the world presents. So, although to human thought it would appear that nobody ever visited the reading room, in reality it was a bee-hive of activity; although Miss Brewster seemed to be crippled by arthritis, she was in fact as lithe and supple as when she was a little girl running around the garden chasing butterflies. Although Christian Science seemed to be soon on its last legs, it was actually the world’s strongest religion, with the greatest number of followers – and adding tens of thousands to its ranks every day.

Although Miss Brewster was indeed sick – and if Truth be told, sick and tired of all these seeming contradictions between reality and Reality, she forced herself to drift along with the same thought patterns, day after day, year after year.

At one o’clock, having completed half of the book marking, Miss Brewster decided she would close the reading room for twenty minutes and take a little air outside. There was provision in the rules for the librarian to take an hour for lunch, but in all the years she had served there she had never once ventured out, thinking that some office worker on a lunch break might have called and found the reading room closed. Today the false claim of mortal mind that she was feeling faint and in terrible arthritic pain would not yield to her firm metaphysical challenge. Before Miss Brewster left the reading room she “knew the Truth” about it being protected by Divine Mind during her absence, and also that any visitor reading her spidery note – “The reading room will re-open at 1:20. Thank you for your patience.” –would not be too inconvenienced.

She locked the door behind her and tried to pin the note to it. But she did not have the strength to push the thumb-tack in. “Oh dear”, she thought. “Perhaps I had better ask Miss Petrula”. She had never been inside the clairvoyante’s office, always refusing the many offers of hospitality. Madam Petrula had called at the reading room occasionally over the years, but she had always sensed that she wasn’t welcome, and stayed at the threshold to tall Miss Brewster of the latest developments with the landlords, and to cheerfully accept the free Christian Science literature she was given. Miss Brewster had always thought that inviting Madam Petrula in might set a precedent, and that the spiritualist would interrupt the legitimate work of the reading room – the promotion of Christian Science to the enquiring public. Her erroneous views might also affect the healing atmosphere that Miss Brewster worked so hard to establish every day with her consecrated, uplifted Thought.

Mentally working for protection from the malign influence of spiritualism and to overcome the claim of pain, nausea and fatigue, she somehow managed to drag herself over to Madam Petrula’s door and knock timorously on it. Madam Petrula was drinking a cup of tea and reading “Spirit News” when she heard Miss Brewster’s taps. For a second or two she thought it might have been her spirit guide, Silver Cloud, trying to get through to her. Then Miss Brewster called out, “Miss Petrula, help me please, dear.” Madam Petrula quickly got up and opened the door. She was met by an ashen-faced Miss Brewster. “Goodness, dearie, you look awful pasty. Are you alright? Do come in and have a cup of tea.” “No, no. Thank you very much, Miss Petrula. I would just like you to help me pin this note to the reading room door. I’m going out for a little time, and I want visitors to know that I won’t be too long.” “Yes, of course, dearie. Give it to me – and the thumb-tack.” Miss Brewster – uncontrollably trembling – handed her the note. But it wasn’t the right note. It was another one she had quickly scribbled just before she came out. In her delirium she had picked up the wrong note. As Madam Petrula was pinning the note to the door, Miss Brewster collapsed and died. Madam Petrula immediately knelt down to attend to her. “Oh dearie,” she said. The note on the door said, “God is my Life.”

by Anon.

Mother "rang church before dialling 999"

2008-03-24T04:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article1381536.ece

Famous former CSists

2007-11-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

It's fascinating who grew up in CS... here are just three well-known people.

Ellen De Generes - US talk-show host

John Simpson - UK journalist and author

Kelsey Grammer - lead star of US sitcom Frasier

History behind this site

2007-11-12T04:36:00.001-08:00

The motivation for setting up this site is because of my personal experiences concerning the effects of Christian Science which began in January 2001.

You can read a little about this story, which was published by our local press, on the Christian Science links on www.rickross.com

My late mother began to exhibit bizarre behaviour and then suffered two falls at her home. She was taken to hospital where she received a full assessment of her condition. I was informed that she had breast cancer (a huge shock for me),had suffered it for some time, and that she also was malnourished. My mother had followed a strict vegan diet for many years without taking any mineral/vitamin supplements - both of which she considered to be "medical". She refused all medication and was sent to a rest home to recuperate before the next stage in her care could be considered.

My mother denied any reality that may have dawned on her at this time and she called for a Christian Science practitioner to help her "acknowledge her spiritual perfection with God." All medication was refused by her and also sterile dressings - in accordance with Christian Science teaching. My mother was a radical relier on Christian Science and Mrs. Eddy's words in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures make it quite clear that one cannot rely on medical aid and Christian Science - the two systems being considered incompatible.One day, my mother decided that she was healed and to prove this, she demanded to return home immediately. She refused all assistance, apart from a meals on wheels service five days a week.I used to shop for her. During this time she set about making her home "perfect" for me to inherit. It was extensively filled with Christian Science literature. She could not accept that I had left Christian Science years previously. Everything had to be in its correct place and even the carpet pile had to be immaculately straightened. From March 2001 until early 2002 we, as a family, were frozen into silence and could only observe my mother's decline. As the decline progressed, she would refuse and return anything that she could desperately think of as being "medical" and which she thought may be impeding the speed of her physical recovery. This would include a personal alarm worn around the neck, a raised toilet seat etc. She would not accept any medical intervention whatsoever, as she thought that this would impede the manifestation of the physical healing of the breast cancer. She believed that in reality she was healed. She would allow no talk of her health and obvious weakness - indeed, we were forced to watch her exhibit hurtful and more bizarre behaviour, mental deterioration etc. etc. My mother's memory began to fail and her recognition faculties worsened. Eventually she did not recognise where she lived and became obsessed with the idea that I had put her into the "wrong" home. She telephoned and asked innumerable people, including local government officers,members of the Christian Science Church, etc to take her to her address and no amount of logical reason would convince her that her home was indeed where it always was. No-one could ascertain the physical progress of the cancer.

She suffered another fall in the road, was taken to hospital but insisted on returning home and gradually, as the strength left her, we watched her crawl up the stairs on her hands and knees...anything but admit she had a problem. In her mind, Mrs Eddy's words would heal her - indeed, had healed her in reality, and so therefore she thought she would have to work harder at "knowing the truth" to bring it to pass on this earth.At the beginning of 2002, after nights of distressing 'phone calls because she did not recognise night or day, we could not obtain an answer from her. My husband and I spent an hour looking for her and finally tracked her to hospital where she had been admitted during the night. She had been found wandering the streets. She had packed a lot of clothes and literally walked out of her home. I believe she had begun to realise that she could not heal herself of cancer and the awful reality of this admission forced her to abandon all that was vaguely familiar to her. We don't know where she was trying to reach or how she ever got to hospital. She never once mentioned her home again.The open wound of the cancer was large. Indeed, over the last few years of her life she had watched part of her body disintegrate and denied the reality of her senses because she would repeat to herself constantly, "There is no life, truth, intelligence nor substance in matter." (Science and Health). My mother died in a nursing home on June 4th 2002. She suffered silently. She did not understand the question as to whether she would like "pain relief". What was that? She had received no medical aid whatsoever for more than forty years. She had never been registered with a doctor since about 1958. No-one could have studied Christian Science harder than my mother. She had dedicated her life to it and had sacrificed normal family life, outings, physical comforts etc etc in preference for the study of Christian Science. Latterly, she became convinced that she had seen Mrs. Eddy and that she had been told by her to stand and walk. The awful realisation that she could do neither devastated my mother and she would stare at me in horror. This placement in a nursing home and losing all personal privacy was definitely not what she had envisaged Christian Science would do for her. She was heart-broken and her family are still recovering from the painful memories and stress. Not one member of the Christian Science Church ever asked to visit her.

Kathy's Story

2007-11-12T04:27:00.000-08:00

Childhood
My arrival into the world must have been a big disappointment to my mother. Not only did she now have a child - something she never wanted to have happen to her - but I was also born with a leg deformity called PFFD (Proximal Femoral Focal Deficiency). There would always be "one leg shorter than the other" and, naturally, my mother was in deep shock. I gather that she was depressed for several years and she actively blamed my father for my problem, even though my condition is not genetic. I was mostly cared for by my maternal grandmother until the age of five and I did not realise this until many years later. As I grew older, my grief was indescribable whenever I was separated from her. Whenever I stayed with her during school holidays, I was aware of her love for the Gospel. We would talk about Heaven and meeting Jesus. This gave me much comfort because I had serious worries about death - having witnessed an aunt sobbing that she did not want to die. My grandmother and I would sing many hymns together at bedtime - despite my mother's disapproval and desire for me to think only in a Christian Science way - and I felt a measure of safety and comfort. In an attempt to help my mother "cheer up" and gain some positive thinking, my grandfather, who was separated from my grandmother, had given my mother a copy of Science & Health by Mary Baker Eddy. I was about four years old at this time. He had met many Christian Scientists and was attracted to the people. In later years, he regretted ever giving the book to my mother because of the sadness it subsequently caused within the family.

It was the perfect cover for my mother - she would never have to see a doctor again - particularly with reference to her mental state, which was in question. She used Christian Science as one of the reasons for her divorce (my mother was not happy that my father could not "heal" himself of his chronic asthma) and focussed her deep and not unnatural desire for my healing on Christian Science. I became aware from about the age of six that I was different from other children because I had a religion that I had to study and the time it took to read it kept me away from my friends who were out playing! I was told that we had the superior way in Christian Science because we had the tools for healing. Any other religion, I was told, had got it wrong and their "old theology" would do them no good. I believed that Mary Baker Eddy was the revelator of divine Truth, and believers in sin and Heaven and hell were on a lower stage from us Christian Scientists; people would have to come up to our level of belief. What arrogance! I knew I was different (not just because I was disabled), and it became more and more difficult to keep friends. After all, they wanted to play when mother wanted to study with me. I found it boring listening to all the readings of Mary Baker Eddy and I used to switch off into my dream world and made sure that I heard just enough to make any appropriate replies!

My mother never called a doctor and I can well remember lying in bed screaming and sobbing in pain with frequent earaches. I suffered from asthma and many coughs and colds but had no medical help. I was taken for dental treatment, but, on one occasion, I can remember my being put through the extraction of several teeth without any pain relief, neither gas nor injection. I can remember my mother telling me off for my lack of self-control and because I was not remembering the "Truth" properly. I think I was about eight years old. I felt I was a failure and was so scared because of all the blood pouring from my mouth. Mother was unmoved and I learned that self-control was imperative. My father insisted I had an X-ray when I fell on the grass and it was believed that I had a broken arm. I can remember my parents arguing over me whilst I was still on the grass and I think that it caused a major rift in my parent's marriage in that my father had to shout and insist that I went to the hospital. (I did attend artificial limb centres with my mother all through childhood, but, of course, they were offering vital walking aids and mother did not and could not object.) Going back to the arm - it was put in a sling and nothing could be diagnosed. After several days we went back to the hospital, they said there was a small break, and I believe mother refused them permission for it to be plastered because she thought I had been healed on the basis that I was able to use my arm a little. School friends could not work out why it was in a sling, and then I did not wear one and they assumed that I was pretending.... I put it down to their ignorance of the religion we studied! Mother hailed it as a Christian Science healing and had it printed in the Christian Science Sentinel. I was forced to sign as to its validity, even though I was still a child. The words were not my own and I was not really sure as to how Christian Science had really helped me. All I could think of was that my father was very upset and I just wanted to have my arm plastered as the doctor suggested and to be like all the other children in such a situation.

As to my leg deformity, well, mother really wanted a healing for this. After all, it did not give a good impression, she felt, of our dedication to Christian Science. We visited several Christian Science practitioners and each time I became disappointed because they could not heal me. Mother had phases where she was so sure the "Truth" would work; that she would not allow me to wear my artificial limb and she would push me around in a pushchair right up until I was about nine or ten. And every time nothing happened. I alternated between guilt and secret bitterness. I envied other children their legs and their freedom to run and look pretty in skirts. People would stare (they did so more in those days) and I became very self-conscious and developed low self-esteem. I really wanted to be healed (which child wouldn't?) and so thought that if I worked and worked at the study of Christian Science then it would surely work for me. Every night I would read, study, and repeat the Christian Science words and many a night I slept with a ruler by my bed. In the morning I would wake up and be sure that I had it all right and be convinced that there would be even a little growth. I would measure, and then, disbelieving the ruler, would check again. I obviously did not have the healing part right and had to know the so-called "Truth" harder. I must surely have missed a bit out or had I not said Mrs Eddy's words fervently enough? At the back of my mind, I thought I was a big disappointment because I could not manage any healings. I was warned that people at Church would expect results. For all of my school years, my mother would make me walk for miles and, being disabled, this resulted in my suffering extreme fatigue. However, it was always suggested that, as God's child, I could conquer anything and I could prove this to the world by walking. It would prove "dominion over my material body." My secondary school classrooms were often up three flights of stairs and I was not only slow and late for lessons, but I was embarrassed and exhausted - neither of which I was supposed to experience! I was therefore entreated to study Christian Science harder to realise my "freedom from all ills." I think, on reflection, that I deceived myself into believing that my leg condition did not exist. It was easier to live in a dream world and I really believed that eventually, my leg would grow to prove my perfect reality and my "oneness" with God. The inconveniences and feelings that I experienced were after all the "illusion." I had, I was told, to "work out of them."

By the time I was about ten or eleven, mother decided that Christian Science was everything and my parents began a bitter and painful divorce. This period of my life is really another story, but suffice it to say that my parents lived in half each of their small house, each coming and going with their own lives. The rooms we lived in were always locked. My mother would leave me alone in the house at night, locked in my bedroom in case "the wicked, violent man" came to get me (my father). He could never have hurt a fly, but I believed it - after all, he did not have the so-called "precious truths" that we as Christian Scientists held. It transpired when we talked in later years that he had no idea I was in the house those nights mother went to the church. I was a thoroughly programmed, compliant, quiet daughter who lay there in silence until mother returned and unlocked the door. And all because Christian Science was the only religion to follow! In an attempt to save his marriage, my father did try to study it. He went to the services and even employed a practitioner. As far as my mother was concerned, everyone else had it wrong! Mother believed Mary Baker Eddy and her teachings were the truth and anyone who objected to mother's decisions was anti-Christian Science and hostile to the "Truth." I became more and more alienated from my cousins and aunts and friends - none of whom could understand Christian Science and the way we were living. I was forced to join the Christian Science Church membership at the age of twelve. I begged mother to wait until I was twenty because I thought it would make me look even odder in the eyes of my peers. The pen was put in my hand and I could not refuse. I think mother thought it would improve our status within the Christian Science Church and she honestly believed that there was no other way to follow in order to improve our lives and standing within the Christian Science movement.

I was always withdrawn from school assemblies and scripture lessons. I was never immunised and I always had extra Christian Science classes whenever the school timetable required scripture lessons. I was forced to write to the Church of England and ask for the details of my godparents to be erased from my baptismal records. I had to obtain permission from my mother and a Christian Science practitioner to receive dental treatment. I have problems with my teeth to this day as a result of dental neglect. We never celebrated Easter, and Christmas was never a really happy time for us. My mother, I felt, regarded such "distractions" as taking our thoughts away from spiritual progress in Christian Science. I don't think anyone could have studied Christian Science as dedicatedly as my mother could. She denied herself many of the pleasures, comforts and outings of life and lived a life of total commitment to Christian Science and its teachings.

My pet cat never received vital veterinary treatment and it limped around for ages and then developed other distressing conditions. Mother never perceived this and other situations as real because "in reality" everything was perfect and we just had to know and believe in the words of Science & Health to enlighten us as to perfection. I came home from school one day and the cat had disappeared. I was never told what happened.

I later became a member of the local Christian Science church and worked on one or two committees. I was totally programmed by then and nothing in my life seemed real - probably because I had little contact with anyone who was not connected with Christian Science. We also had a lodger in the house who was a Christian Science practitioner. I found his presence very disturbing and I felt that he exercised a lot of control over mother. At about this time, my grandmother died and I vividly remembered her words to me about Heaven and about how we should love Jesus. Even though I was surrounded by Christian Science, a thread of the Gospel story stuck with me and gave me comfort over my fears of death. I felt that we would meet in heaven because we both loved Jesus and even though I was in Christian Science, I knew I believed in Him because I read about Him in the Bible. What I didn't realise was that we were only ever reading selected passages from the Bible and that, often, the verses were out of context. Jesus was still not a reality to me.

But God is good! In order to train to be a teacher, I had to leave home and mother decided on Weymouth, Dorset, England - probably because there was a Christian Science Church nearby! On my very first day in College, the very first friend I made was a Christian and I attended the meetings of the Christian Union because I felt we all had the same basis of belief. I had a boyfriend who was a Christian but after a while the relationship ended because he said that my faith was not of God and that we had no future together. I was deeply hurt, because up until then I had honestly believed that I was there to help the Christians along because my beliefs were one stage "up" and I really believed that as these Christians were Bible believing, then we could get along OK. What a lot I had to learn!

I had no idea of the amount of prayer that went on for me by all my Christian friends, many of whom I know to this day! I had had many doubts for a long time, partly because the course we were on, opened my mind to thinking of things from different angles. My biggest problem was trying to decide whether or not Christian Science was Christian. I was surrounded by Christians who said that it was not. This had never occurred to me before and I wanted to understand their reasoning. What was different about their "rules"? I was also bound by all sorts of fears - particularly of death. I cannot describe the feeling of peace which flowed over me after the visiting Christian preacher had prayed with me after a Christian Union meeting. I was moved by his message and I knew that I needed Jesus' love and peace. I was so tangled up in my mind that I could not think clearly but I knew I needed Jesus. People said that I radiated joy and I felt as though I had been lifted out of something and set out in a new world. Thanks to many Christian friends, some Christian doctrine was explained to me. I initially felt as though I was in a foreign church - linguistically, nothing made sense! I cannot say that all the influences of Christian Science mind control left my life immediately at least that is how it felt. I suffered many nagging doubts that I would "return" because of the inevitability of mind control, and I had many periods of what I can only describe as depression and feelings of insecurity. I found a Baptist church near to where I was working in my first teaching post and I asked the Pastor to pray for me. I still felt things were wrong in my life and I had no guidance on how to correct them. That night, after his prayers, I returned to my accommodation and an evil spirit visited me and screamed at me that "I should not have done it! I should not have done it!" I was twitching and jerking. There was a cloud over my head and I was very scared. I remember replying, "But I have!" and the cloud floated away from me and I slept peacefully. When I spoke to the Pastor about this because I was quite shocked, he did not really know what to say and I was still left with the feeling that I needed counselling. I felt that my thinking was in a different mode from everyone else - possibly because I was still coming out of this very mind-controlling environment and I had not had much contact with everyday people.

I was baptised after about two years and this, for me, was the major foundation in my Christian life. It was at this time that my mother ceased trying to actively "re-convert me." She was very disappointed and I was warned that "however many years of benefit I had received in Christian Science, after this period of time, I would experience dire need and deterioration in my life to the extent that I would need it again."

I cannot think of much relevant to add to this testimony from baptismal time to this. What I do know is that the Lord Jesus Christ has led me and my family through many dangers and turmoils and that He has blessed us very much. A text which has meant everything to me is, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Mark 13 v31.) My fears of death have been destroyed and I know that all those who believe on Him will be saved. There is no doubt that my mother watched our lives very carefully and, in the name of Christian Science and while under the influence of it, tried to systematically destroy my marriage and the peace of my home. She actively tried to turn our children to Christian Science but I thank God that He has shielded them and led them to a saving knowledge and faith in Him. The year 2001 was made special for me as my son was baptised by total immersion. The Lord our God in the midst of us is mighty!

My mother died in June 2002 after suffering from a terminal illness. In the last months we prayed especially that even though she had had over forty years of no medical aid whatsoever - she was never registered with a doctor in that time - that the Lord Jesus would reveal Himself to her in her mental turmoil and physical agony. Also, that she would in some way see that Christian Science had failed and that she must turn to only one Leader... the Lord Jesus Christ.

Suffering in Christian Science
The actual suffering endured because of Christian Science is rarely discussed. It is indescribable to the onlooker and the sufferer can endure total misery - probably being unable to vocalise his/her pain. What makes someone silently watch as his/her anatomy disintegrates/swells/aches unnaturally? What goes through the mind? Is he/she ever scared? Does he/she wish to talk to someone about it? How can the onlooker know what to expect - the progress of untreated diseases are rarely described. I will never know. All I can write here is what happened to us as a family and you will hopefully get the picture as to how radical reliance on Christian Science can be so dangerous.

Radical reliance on Christian Science for healing means that there is no compromise with one's beliefs, no turning back to old ways to seek medical help from a doctor, no admission to one's friends or family that something is wrong, no comfort from anyone - because no-one must know what is happening. If anyone knows, then one is open to all sorts of "worldly" thoughts and these natural, normal caring thoughts and words of comfort make a reality of the suffering and impede the healing by "giving it a reality". Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science writes in Science and Health on page 167 "Only through radical reliance on Truth can scientific healing power be realized". This is what my mother both wanted and needed - healing power. On page 448 Mary Baker Eddy writes, "If the student adheres strictly to the teachings of Christian Science and ventures not to break its rules, he cannot fail of success in healing". My mother tried exactly that and her silence became the only option as she struggled to heal herself of breast cancer.

What do you do when your breast must be hurting so much from the first stages of breast cancer? Should you keep it clean and with what? How do you hide the flickers of pain across your face? If anyone suspects, questions will be asked. Nobody must find out. All one must do is read and study Christian Science and then the healing will come. Christian Science "mental work" will effect the cure. However, everyday you feel more and more unwell. Why is the world so strange? Why don't people react the way you would think they would? Why won't the pain go away? Night times must be the worst to endure. What is happening to my body which Christian Science teaches is an illusion? Is it my fault that Christian Science isn't working yet? There must be more corrective mental work to be done. So little spare time for anything else, must realise a healing.... I presume these must be some of the thoughts in my mother's mind - somewhere.

As outsiders looking into my mother's life, we couldn't see too much happening. There was a visible weight loss, difficulty in comprehension and poor memory, which resulted in more and more reminder notes all around her home but one Saturday afternoon, January 2001, we received a desperate telephone call from my mother that changed our lives forever.

It became obvious that the overspill of suffering could no longer be hidden by my mother - she became hallucinatory. This was a huge shock for us, as self-control had always been my mother's mainstay. A few days later, she fell at home and exercised her rights of refusal to go to hospital. There she was, pitifully thin and obviously ill - but in her mind, her perception of the situation was that she was fine and we, along with the ambulance crew, were fussing over "nothing". No-one from the Christian Science Church offered any practical help when I telephoned them and asked for assistance, which I thought my mother would prefer and so Social Services entered the stage!

These good people must have wondered whatever was going on - relations worrying, malnourished mother refusing any assistance etc. Finally, a meal a day was accepted as being sensible and naturally, any other needs would be arranged by me - the only daughter!

How could I best help her? Having left Christian Science many years ago, I'd forgotten how difficult it was to talk and discuss practicalities with her! Indeed, my mother refused to talk about "negative things" as this would be admitting to the world that she had a problem.

Another serious fall later, when the ambulance crew insisted on taking her to hospital, and then discovering that she had a wound indicating breast cancer, I imagined that my mother would like to be cared for by her own kind. I set about finding a Christian Science "Nursing" Home (as they were once called, I believe they are known as care homes now). You may imagine my horror to find that this care was only palliative - no oxygen, no option for pain relief. (Indeed, I was told that the client would have to cry out aloud if they couldn't bear the pain anymore, before they would be bundled into an ambulance and taken to the local hospital). How distressing could that be for the patient, loaded with guilt and for the relations,too. Christian Science mental treatment from a Christian Science practitioner would cease the minute that medical care began. (Many years ago, I had been an assistant in a Christian Science care home - I had no idea of what the inmates were enduring - it never entered my head that they were suffering. I was shocked when I was permitted to meet a member of our local church who was being cared for in this home. I couldn't believe that she looked so ill and her husband so distressed. It was a brush with reality but as I was deeply immersed in Christian Science at that time, I denied to myself what I saw and went back to work below stairs.)
In my mother's case, her chosen Christian Science practitioner lived in the north of UK and never visited - she received letters and telephone calls but he had no idea of her actual plight. My mother, about this time, refused all medication - no tamoxifen, no pain relief - nothing.

My mother became very agitated at receiving local rest home care and had obviously heard enough to make her feel totally confused and stressed. To her way of thinking, all this diagnosis etc. had come about because of my calling an ambulance and so her hostility developed with great intensity. People offering her "pain relief" were quite nonsensical to her. What does pain relief mean to the totally ignorant? Does it mean a tablet? She had had no experience of medical care for forty-five years and was not even registered with a doctor. Current developments in the health care world had not reached her thinking or her world at all! She insisted on returning home - a first floor flat, with no easy access to the front door. Home, where the atmosphere was of her own making with no intrusions from "the enemy".

The local Christian Science nurse was asked to visit her but my mother wouldn't even allow this practical form of care for washing etc. Do not be confused, a Christian Science nurse is nothing like a State Registered nurse. The former would only undertake palliative care - their training is quite different.

At first, a regular routine appeared to be established. A lunch-time meal was delivered five days a week and we did the extra necessary shopping/paperwork etc. My mother's mental state gradually became more and more confused concerning anything appertaining to the outside world. However, if she felt that Christian Science was "telling her to do something", then she would raise super-human efforts to achieve what she perceived as needing to be done. Housework became more and more obsessional in content - even the carpet pile had to be straightened uniformly! All chores became tasks whereby she was preparing her home to high perfectionist standards. Items were positioned in exactly the right place. Christian Science literature, with marked articles to read, was placed everywhere around the home and we were forced to watch...and wait.
Every day for nearly one year, we would wake and wonder what nightmare that day would bring. My mother continued to develop into two personalities. There was the Christian Science- natured person who answered to one of her Christian names and the softer, gentler personality who could be reasoned with and who appeared to quite enjoy everyday things - radio, etc. who answered to her other Christian name.

One day, the local hospital telephoned me to express concern at one of the x-ray results taken when my mother was in hospital. It could be seen that there was a fracture to the cheekbone and would we please make an appointment at the hospital? When I telephoned my mother, I was fortunate to be speaking to her non Christian Science personality and she agreed that it would be sensible to make an appointment -which I did. One hour later, my mother's Christian Science personality had erupted into fury that I had even bothered her with this and she definitely was not attending hospital! This is but one example of the unpredictability of my mother's thinking, which we had to learn to live with.

Her behaviour became more bizarre and anti-social and it was painful for relations to witness this. We attempted to make what we assumed would be her last birthday, a most enjoyable one. However, it disintegrated into a nightmare, culminating in "losing her" in some public gardens/her refusal of family transport and insistence on going by bus - so frail, a fall was quite likely!/her refusal to eat as a family.

She must have felt she was progressively becoming more unwell but even this made no difference - just further venturing into "corrective"thinking. An emergency alarm around her neck was returned to me - despite the social worker stating that other Christian Scientists sometimes wore one. We were told by my mother that no-one was as good at Christian Science as she was! Physically, she looked emaciated,flushed,tired, walking was slow and painful and she was bent double. She walked shielding her right arm from being bumped and was in obvious discomfort. Her Christian Science practitioner spoke from time to time with her on the telephone and her only visitors were her family. I asked the nurse to cease visiting as we could not countenance an approx.Â£30 call out charge solely for her to enjoy a cup of tea at our expense. I realise that my mother wanted no-one caring for her physical needs and we felt the charge to be exorbitant.

One day, my daughter and I took my mother to the local post office and after she struggled out of the car in obvious discomfort, we agreed she would meet us in a few minutes. My daughter and I sat and waited for ages and then we thought we had better check how and where my mother was. Imagine our amazement to see her emerge after queueing in the post office and enter the pharmacy! She went in there and sat for ages, made a few purchases and sat down again. She had forgotten where she was and my daughter went to bring her back to the car.

Something happened that morning and my mother's perceptions on reality declined rapidly. When we parked outside her home, she did not recognise it but was persuaded to enter and she could see her own furniture, obviously.

From that day on, we endured many distressing telephone calls, day or night, from my mother - begging me to take her back to her home. She became obsessed that I had switched her home into another identical flat in another area. She would phone the police, local government offices, social services and the local Christian Science Church /Reading Room. I find it still painful to think about this episode, even 3 years on. She had no peace by this time, even in her own home.
.................................................................................................................
One other unfortunate incident to be noted at this time was that as she was painfully walking home from a local walk, someone was watching her as an obvious victim. As she put her front door key in the lock, a young man pounced on her and pushed her into her hallway. Mercifully a next door neighbour saw what was happening and was able to chase him away and call the police. This experience was crushing to my mother and a cruel invasion of her idealised "spiritually perfect" world.

I have no faith in our British legal system as the man concerned is perceived by us to have "got away with it" entirely.

At the beginning of 2004, and this family having suffered huge stress and distress at the situation, the final act was beginning...

Every day I would wake up and wonder whether this would be the day when something, I had no idea what, would happen. I was totally stressed after trying to hold down full-time work, running my home, caring for my family and trying to keep life "normal" and yet being prepared for whatever the nightmare would bring me next. I knew something would happen.... I rang my mother, as usual and there was no answer. After a while, knowing how poorly she was, we went to her flat. No answer and upon entering, no mother!

We looked everywhere, knowing she could not have got far. After a frantic search of the area, we tried the local hospital on an off-chance. No result - where could such a sick person be?? And then it transpired that she had been admitted two minutes prior to midnight - logged as the previous day! To this day I have no idea how she got there - except it would appear that she arrived by taxi!! She thought someone had called a taxi for her - presumably as she was walking the streets in the middle of the night.

It became apparent that my mother had packed all the clothes she could carry and I believe she was desperate to leave her home which she still believed to be the wrong place. (She was convinced I had made a mistake). By this time she was convinced that there were many people living in her flat and I believe she had decided that living solely in the kitchen ,because the sitting room was "crowded with guests having a meal", was no longer an option. Thankfully, the hospital took her valuables when she was admitted - including a cheque signed and dated and made out to the Christian Science Church. Did she think they would do anything for her? Would money procure the healing??

This poor, sick woman lay on her bed in the ward and we believe she must have suffered some kind of breakdown - perhaps she realised she was not getting better. A consultant looked at her and then said to me that she may live about 3 months approx and how very sorry he was. His compassion comforted me as he said he knew what kind of a year we had suffered. At last the nightmare became manageable because now she was bed-ridden and had to receive care. I could calm down, knowing that someone could do something for her, at last.

My mother's last few months on this earth were awful - nursing her was not easy. We were distressed that she could not walk/move her legs properly.Our son, who had been abroad for his studies, returned to see, not his grandmother, but a physical wreck. We wept.

Jane's Story

2007-11-12T04:23:00.000-08:00

Childhood
I was born into a Christian Science family in 1977. All but one of my grandparents were Christian Scientists. I had a very happy childhood. Thankfully my parents would be 'bad Christian Scientists' at times and if my brother of I were ill did take us to the doctor on rare occasions when necessary. For the usual childhood illnesses I was always told how I was 'God's perfect child' and that any manifestation of illness was no part of me.

Leaving Christian Science
I left CS without too much difficulty when I was seventeen. I had been having doubts about Christian Science from the age of fourteen. Talks with a Catholic friend revealed to me that CS did not say what the Bible said. This didn't bother me too much as I didn't at that time believe the Bible to be God's Word - why should it be believed over Science and Health? Things changed when I started 'A' level RE. The three Christians in the class amazed me at their confidence in the Bible as the infallible word of God. I came to share their belief and then had to face what it said to me. It told me I was a sinner facing just judgement - I knew I was deserving of an eternity away from God. Thankfully it also told me of a Saviour who hung in my place on a cross to bear away those sins.

My mother's illness
In 1999 my mother became ill with Ovarian Cancer. This was a truly terrible time. It was four months of watching her health go dramatically down hill before my father (a liberal Christian Scienctist) forced her to go to the doctors. Before this time the practitioner and her father encouraged her not to give in to our requests that she seek medical help. By this time she had lost a huge amount of weight, was swollen with fluid as if she were nine months pregnant and unable to eat anything but the smallest amount of liquidised food. Despite this she remained confident a healing was just around the corner. The doctor sent her straightaway to hospital and thankfully she co-operated. After surgery she began chemotherapy. I often drove her to these sessions and on the way she would say how it was against her wishes. I haven't felt guilty for that because the treatment gave me an extra three years with my mother and gave her back a great quality of life.

Her relapse followed a similar pattern of resisting medical help before the family forcing the issue. (Interestingly, before she accepted medical help again, her practitioner died prematurely - not a great advert for CS)

I had a good relationship with my mother and she didn't bear any grudge for our opposition. This is even more amazing considering she believed our acceptance that she was ill hindered her from receiving a healing. Ultimately she died feeling she had failed spiritually.

Other family members
Other negative experiences with CS include the time my Grandad did not get any help for a friend who had a stroke and the fact that he died of a heart attack with a CS nurse present - no help was sought. I often wonder if he would still be here now if his condition had been picked up earlier by a doctor. My Grandmother (who I never met) died of breast cancer in the 60s trying in vain to obtain a CS healing. A cousin of my mother's refused medical help, believing CS could heal her cancer - she also died, probably needlessly.

How Christian Science affected me
Christian Science left me with a very warped view of 'the medical' - it has been hard to shake off that feeling that they will do you harm! After leaving it I suffered for some months with an agonizing condition before finally seeking help - I just felt inwardly that a doctor would be angry with me for wasting time and I felt responsibile for my condition despite it being beyond my control. Gradually though the CS influence is getting less and less - If I am ill now I rarely feel as if it is my fault. I am glad to see the declining numbers of the church and do hope that in my lifetime it ceases to exist!'

Jane
e-mail: jane@walkington.f9.co.uk

Christian Science "not to blame" for L----'s suffering

2007-11-12T04:15:00.000-08:00

Christian Science was not to blame for any of Mrs. B-------'s suffering says the church's Dorset spokesman.

By Jane Reader

Michael A'Court has described his "enormous compassion" for her family adding: "It's a very sad situation."

He said pain relief and surgical dressings would not have gone against Christian Science beliefs. But he admitted they might have been frowned on by some church members.

Mr. A'Court said the church would not have stopped praying for Mrs. B------- if she had sought medical help.

However, he confirmed that any attempt at medical cure, such as surgery or chemotherapy, would not be compatible with Christian Science.

"If Mrs. B------- felt she could not have any medical help, it was her own thought and her own interpretation.

"There would have been no criticism from the church. It is a popular misconception that the church throws people out for having medical help.

"It would have been more compassionate for her to agree to the wishes of her family."

He said he believes pain relief is acceptable if the person feels there is no option.

"If you can't handle the thing, then pain relief is not a problem."

Mr. A'Court added: "I think she was too hard on herself. She should have been more compassionate to herself."

He said he firmly believes that "our experience is the result of our own thinking.

"There was clearly something in her thought that needed to be healed."

He said that continuing negative thoughts such as resentment or anger are believed to lead to physical problems.

But he stopped short of saying the illness was her own fault.

Mr. A'Court said he firmly believes that Christian Science heals in "almost all" cases.

"There is a growing acceptance of the power to heal. It's a lot cheaper than going to the doctor and there are no waiting lists."

Mr. A'Court, who lives in Poole, admitted that Christian Scientists attract controversy and often "speak in a funny language that other people don't understand".

"For example, we say: 'There is no such thing as death', which is a difficult thing for other people to understand.

"What we mean is that there is a continuity of consciousness."

He said there are thousands of examples of healing within the church.

Bournemouth Echo, United Kingdom, 25th June 2002

"Mum Suffered for Her Faith"

2007-11-12T04:10:00.001-08:00

A Grandmother suffered years of agonizing ill health because of her devotion to a cult religion, her family claims.By Jane Reader Determined L---- M----- B------- refused medical assistance for cancer because of her strong beliefs in Christian Science.

The 77-year-old died two weeks ago, 18 months after being diagnosed with breast cancer. She had no pain relief and no surgery.

Now her devastated family has spoken out to inform the public about Christian Science beliefs.

The movement, formed in America in the late 1800s, has churches in Bournemouth and Poole.

Mrs. B------- had studied Christian Science for nearly 50 years and firmly believed her studies could heal her.

The movement claims medicine is incompatible with Christian Science. She even returned surgical dressings because she felt unable to use them.

Christian Science, also known as the First Church of Christ, Scientist, was formed by Mary Baker Eddy who taught that evil, including sickness and death, was an illusion to be overcome by understanding your true identity as a perfect, spiritual reflection of God.

Mrs. B-------'s daughter, Kathy, said it was impossible to influence her mother's views.

Kathy... said her mother's cancer was discovered when she was taken into hospital after two falls at her home in Southbourne. Despite the presence of the disease, she refused all help and insisted on going home.

Mrs. B------- was admitted to hospital and died in a nursing home, unaware of her surroundings and unable to recognize members of her family.

At her own request, there was no funeral or remembrance service, just a private cremation.

Kathy, who also lives in Bournemouth, has set up a support group, thought to be the first in Britain, for those who have left Christian Science.

Bournemouth Echo, United Kingdom, 25th June 2002

'Cult' pain: 'tip of the iceberg'

2007-11-12T04:05:00.000-08:00

Mother's traumatic death prompts new ministry to ex-Christian Science adherents

Report by ROB JAMES

A NEW internet support facility could prompt scores of disillusioned people to abandon their links with Christian Science, according to Doug Harris, Director of Reachout Trust, the Christian ministry to the cults, the occult and the New Age."

There really is a need for an active support ministry that makes itself known to Christian Scientists," he explained. "I think we will find people coming out of the woodwork wanting that support. At the moment they don't know where to turn. This new resource will fill that gap."

Harris was commenting on the launch of ex_cs2001@yahoo.com, the e-mail link to the developing UK branch of Christian Way Ministry based in the USA (cway@christianway.org).

Kathy... set about organising a UK branch of Christian Way following the traumatic death of her mother earlier this year. "She died in a nursing home," explained Kathy. "She bravely and silently endured much suffering due to her radical reliance on Christian Science. She refused medical assistance for cancer because of her strong beliefs and died 18 months ago (sic) after being diagnosed with breast cancer. She had no pain relief and no surgery."

A devotee of Christian Science for nearly 50 years, she firmly believed her faith would heal her. She even returned surgical dressings because she felt unable to use them. Suffice it to say that my mother watched part of her anatomy disintegrate and would not discuss it, because she believed she could heal herself by correcting her thoughts. Ideas about infections never entered her head. Anyone who dared to point out these practicalities was accused of interfering with her healing because talking about material things would give them a reality they should not have."

Following her mother's death Kathy was contacted by the press, and the subsequent coverage - with the predicted Christian Science reaction - prompted her current response."

The events of the last 18 months have taken their toll on my health, and the health of my family," she continued. "Thankfully, we have many people's prayers to support us. I am trying to use the situation to positive advantage by setting up a support group for those who have been similarly affected, or who have relations still in Christian Science. To this end there is now a website http://ex-christian-science.8m.com, which is the UK link with the Christian Way group in the USA. People die in this cult with untreated growths, cancers, diabetes etc. You can imagine the heartache in watching this, whether Christian or non-Christian, from the outside and knowing that you are powerless to call for a doctor to relieve pain or effect a cure."

Brought up within Christian Science, Kathy understands only too well how difficult it is to break free of its influence and teaching. "I became a Christian nearly 30 years ago," she explained, "and I always longed to meet and share with other Christians who had endured a similar background. I had many problems - particularly understanding Christian doctrine, with relationships (because I had been very isolated within this cult), with depression, loneliness and knowing when it was appropriate to seek medical aid.

"We long to reach those who need to feel that people do understand what it was like to be in such a cult, to show that we can sympathise with the loneliness, perhaps experienced as a child, suffering from excruciating earaches, coughs and so on, with no sympathy, no antibiotics, and above all for them to feel the practical reality of Christian support."

A meeting in August only served to confirm these feelings. "Nine people came together," she explained. "Several could not make it due to poor health - attributable to medical neglect when they were in CS. Some are too ill to travel - all the more reason for contact and support. Most of them had a horrendous story of suffering which they had endured silently, because, in the words of one lady, there was never anyone to talk to who would really understand.

"Several of us had witnessed the premature death of loved ones who clung to the brainwashing of CS. Sometimes this had resulted in the break-up of families and the continuance of difficulties in relating to people. I know this is the tip of the iceberg and maintaining contact is emerging as important. I am also in contact with several in the USA enduring similar ordeals with dying relatives. The stress is appalling."

Christian Science claims to have 115 congregations within the UK, just over 2,000 world-wide in 79 countries, and according to Tony Lobl of the CS Committee on Publications, CS is benefiting from "a rapidly growing interest in spirituality and an accelerating interest in healing through prayer". This interest comes not only from the general public but also from the medical profession and other Christian churches.

"We are consequently experiencing a growing interest in the ideas in Science and Health. The book is selling more copies than ever in its history - over 200,000 copies a year".

And stressing that every individual is free to choose their response to illness without censure, he continued: "If someone discovered a lump in their breast for example we would advise them to pray to God for guidance to know what is the best thing to do deal (sic) with the problem effectively. If they choose to rely on God for healing then there are encouraging records of cure through prayer in the CS magazines. Christian Scientists are consistently law-abiding, however, and in obedience to the law, parents will quickly seek medical attention for their children in any instance where other parents would do so".

And as for question of pain relief: "Individual Christian Scientists are always free to choose medication for pain relief for any situation. Neither the church nor the teachings dictate such choices for the individual."

But Doug Harris is not convinced. "There is a real need for this new ministry," he continued. "Whether people come out in ones or as a group they are always in need of great support. They have to learn to put their lives back together and they need advice about very practical things - such as doctors and health. They need to learn to see such issues in totally different ways. An active support ministry that makes itself widely know (sic) is really needed." ...

Christian Herald, United Kingdom, 5th October 2002

What is Christian Science?

2007-11-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

Mary Baker Eddy claimed to have discovered Christian Science in 1866 when she fell on ice.

We are told that she was seriously injured and expected to die. As she studied her Bible, she claimed that her scientific system of healing was revealed to her by God. Christian Science was founded by Mrs. Eddy in 1897 and Christian Scientists refer to her as their Leader, Discoverer and Founder of Christian Science.

Christian Science differs from every point central to Christian doctrine. In a leaflet entitled Questions and Answers on Christian Science it is said that the word Science is used "because it can be demonstrated" and "We see God as the universal, divine Principle underlying the life and healing work of Christ Jesus."

The Christian Scientist's view of God is that He is only good. They see Jesus Christ as "occupying the highest place in human history." They separate Jesus and Christ - Jesus being human and Christ as being his divine nature eternally with us.

Much can be written about the differences between Christianity and Christian Science. If this interests you, please look at www.christianway.org.

A good reference book is "The Kingdom of the Cults" by Walter Martin